Faithwalk

Prayer Amid Cries

_{Lord, let me love YOU and be loved by YOU! Protect me from all humanity, yes, even my own. Shield me for the rest of my days on earth. I will not mind breathing the limited air behind the metallic walls of this cage I am requesting, so long as I know I can never again be hurt by human love. For I know with absolute certainty that one day you will raise me to the mountain top and remove the shield, revealing for me a glorious beauty. There I will be safe. Until then, my precious Lord, protect me! Protect me! I beg Thee, protect me!}

More than I can be!

“When I am down and, oh, my soul so weary;

When troubles come and my heart burdened be;

Then I am still and wait here in the silence.

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

 

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.

I am strong when I am on your shoulders.

You raise me up to more than I can be.”

 

My aim is not revenge or to ensure equality of pain. My aim is not to take the spurred heels that have dug into my gut and redirect them into his. No, my aim is to rise above the filth that has suddenly come and butchered my heart; to rise above the mortal desires for safety and to soar in the heavenly realm where eternal love is all that I can see.

 

The efforts of my kicking, screaming and spitting fantasies are in vain; the effects of angry energy can only keep me in the filth. I have no power to convict or condemn or convince, only to surrender my grip on the pain so I can be raised to stand on mountains.

 

The power of stormy seas can be evil and sly. They can swallow me up and destroy me. But I am safe from harm and protected from the rip-roaring violence that leaps from beneath and wildly waves its gripping claws before me; I am safe.

 

I call out to God and beg for the ability to do what I know I can not do: and I wait here in the silence for the Holy One to come and sit with me.

 

In the Holy One I shed my tears and spill my blood. In the Holy One I wail until the breath has left me. In the Holy One I mimic the stormy seas, and by the Holy One, I am lifted, and lifted, and lifted… to more than I can be.

 

The destruction of dreams can not destroy me; the murderous termination of trust between 2 can not take trust away from me. The contamination of his sins can not disease my soul. The extinction of marital love can not extinguish me.

 

The Holy One lulls my soul to peaceful rest and brings the return of my heartbeat to the base of my breast. As the steady rhythm of my heart reminds me that I am alive, I am pumped by the power of God from the sewer of deceit and lifted to the mountain where I stand to be cleansed and healed.

 

The Holy One takes the quivers from my flesh and showers me with kisses. The Holy One is the rock beneath my feet and the sun upon my face.

 

I stand on the mountain where I can sing my praise and thanksgiving:

“You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.

I am strong when I am on your shoulders.

You raise me up to more than I can be.”